“Almost only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades…”

September 16, 2014 at 1:07 pm 5 comments

but, in my opinion, should also count with pregnancy.

This past weekend I am happy to say that we celebrated a major milestone. At thirty-seven weeks pregnant, I am technically full-term with baby “Blah Blah Blue”! In fact, according to one of last week’s many check-ups (I have about three a week at the moment), the little guy is still quite happy just where he is, kick, kick, kickin’ away at mommy’s ribcage. This is all excellent news for us, since Baby Rex was born so early.

Unfortunately, things are never really all that straightforward, particularly when it comes to the joy of childbirth. While the baby is still quite healthy, mommy has developed a bit of a “condition” which requires that little “Blah Blah” be served his eviction notice, effective this coming Friday. Oh, the irony … particularly in a state like California, where the rights of the tenant generally supersede those of the landlord.   Anyway, all I keep imagining in my overly hormonal mind, is sweet “Baby Blah Blah”, being ripped away from his comfy pint-sized home, and forced into this cold cruel world in the same way that a helpless hermit crab is yanked from his shell and forced into a more fancy, tie-dyed one, only to be sold for a couple of bucks to a bunch of teenagers, on the boardwalk in Ocean City, Maryland. (I should know this of course, because I have been the proud owner of two said hermit crabs, “Jean-Clawed” and “Clawed-Paul”, named after my dad.) Sure, I am being a bit melodramatic, but you have to admit that this eviction thing is a little unnerving.

Rex can't wait to meet his new baby brother. He is so excited he has a death grip on that balloon, even when he sleeps.

Rex can’t wait to meet his new baby brother. He is so excited he has a death grip on that balloon, even when he sleeps.

The motive behind this early dislodgement is the fact that I have developed a rare case of obstetric cholestasis – generally found in Chileans and the Swedes, of which I am neither. (I don’t think.) Obstetric Cholestasis basically means that my liver has decided that “it” no longer wants to be pregnant. Who asked “it” anyway? I mean honestly, what does a liver even do? Isn’t it just some superfluous organ that no one really needs? Oh wait, I think that I am getting it confused with the appendix….or the tonsils. Whatever.

Anyway, while the big “O.C.” isn’t the worst thing in the world for me at the moment (aside from the fact that I itch non-stop and have little scabs all over my arms and legs that make me look like I have contracted some kind of weird skin disease) it does increase the risk to mother and baby if we were to go to forty weeks, hence the eviction. It is funny to me that for someone who is allergic to basically nothing, (except mushrooms — but that is more of a convenience thing) I seem to be highly allergic to pregnancy. I guess I should take this is a sign and uh, stop at two. (On that note, I did finally give away that bag of little girl clothes I had collected for myself (oh so long ago) to a friend who is due, with a girl, in November. So Jealous.)

Yes, this Friday night I am allegedly being induced, whatever that means. While induction was clearly not at all a part of my “birth plan”, I have come to accept it. According to Dr. Google (and yes, I know, I should stay off the Internet) the process does not sound pleasant. Aside from the Pitocin jolting you into labor when you aren’t quite ready, you also have to stay in the hospital the night before thinking about your impending doom. Clearly, this time around, I won’t be channeling my inner cow like I had originally planned, or using my “dog theory on birthing” circa Rex 2012. At least this is my second kid so my expectations on the enjoyment factor of labor are pretty low. Bring it on Pitocin. When it is all said and done, all I can hope for is a healthy, chunky, breathing-on-his-own baby boy that they quickly swaddle up and hand off to me to ogle over. Oh, and one other minute request would be that he sleep in stretches longer than forty-five minutes at a time. (Ahem, Rex!)

So all things considered, are we really ready for the new baby? At the moment I am still stuck in the mindset that “newborn and toddler” has to be easier than “toddler and pregnant”. I’m not complainin’ mind you, I cherish the time I get to spend with Baby Rex. The challenge is that over the last few weeks it has been 100+ degrees here in Sacramento, yet I am regularly summoned (at nine months pregnant) to sit on the hot sidewalk next to Rex so that we can “color”. I am always handed the “yell-yoooow” one, while Rex gets the “Booo” one. If I chose to decline, (or venture away from the color yellow) he will subsequently color the dog, the side of the house, the garbage cans and the fence. Normally I wouldn’t mind, but the dog has been really touchy lately, (which means he “potties” in the house more) so it is easier for me to just suck it up and get to drawin’ myself some lemons, bananas and a bright yellow sun. (According to Dane (Mr. Quality Control) my lemons are not anatomically correct though.)

After an adequate amount of “chalking” we will then take the tricycle for a loop around the neighborhood. Or, might I add, halfway around the neighborhood because it is then mommy’s responsibility to carry the tricycle the rest of the way so that Rex can “explore”. The pièce de résistance, is when we venture to Safeway for dinner. It is there, that if the “car cart” isn’t available, things get ugly :).   Yes, I’m happy to admit that while it will be more challenging with a newborn at times, at least I will be better equipped to bend over and scrape my kicking and screaming toddler off the floor of Safeway!

In regards to all the “stuff” that we need for the baby, we are probably set. I mean we had one just over two years ago after all. In addition, I was very lucky to have been the recipient of an amazing “Sprinkle” (I didn’t know what that was either until I Googled it), on Saturday morning whereby my friends went above and beyond in both the hosting and the gift giving. I only hope I was able to adequately thank and “hug” each and every one of them since, as many of you may already know, I am a bit of the anti-hug. (Maybe I wasn’t held enough as a child?) Post sprinkle, Dane and I spent the rest of the weekend washing clothes, blankies and car seats. The latter of which had a nice casing of cheerios, pureed sweet potato and dried milk. By Sunday night we had gotten through about 10% of our proposed checklist, which is pretty impressive by our standards.

Guess which of these two spent their first night in a big boy bed!

Guess which of these two spent their first night in a big boy bed! (Rex, not Dane :))

The most unexpected achievement from the weekend was that we got Rex to move out of his crib and into his big boy bed. To be honest, I’m not sure why we didn’t do this earlier as the kid fell asleep almost immediately, and slept until almost eight in the morning! It is like he is growing up before our eyes! Give him another few weeks and he will be learning to drive and then heading off to college. Sigh. Oh wait, I guess he first has to learn to use the potty… and talk.

While I am clearly boasting about Rex’s easy transition to the big boy bed, I would be remiss if I did not mention the fact that he regressed (slightly) in regards to certain baby toys. One toy in particular, the baby bouncer/saucer, resulted in nearly thirty minutes of intense negotiations just to pry him out of it. Pictures can’t do it justice (so I posted a video below), but seeing a two-and-a-half year old bouncing up and down, shaking his head back and forth and squealing with delight, in a seat made for someone half his size is pretty funny. All I can say is that at least his feet finally touch the ground now. Go figure.

But yeah, I guess between our state of mind (been there, done that) and the piles of baby stuff we have amassed, we are as ready as we will ever be. We did finally pick out a name, but it is of course subject to change (and probably will), about fourteen more times before all is said and done.  While I have spent the week doing everything I possibly can (g-rated of course) to get myself to go into labor on my own, I figure if nothing else, the time in the hospital will give me a chance to leisurely (haha) read through the “what to do with a newborn” chapter in my book as I think I skipped right over it the last time around. Anyway, whatever happens, happens I guess and I really shouldn’t complain, since thirty-eight weeks is a pretty good showing all things considered. Granted there is still that phrase ringing through my ears that “almost only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades”. 🙂


Entry filed under: Baby #2. Tags: , , , .

It is crunch time, and we need your help… What I did on my maternity non-leave…

5 Comments Add your own

  • 1. donna  |  September 16, 2014 at 6:04 pm

    Ma Self here. As always, your blogs crack me up. Lots of fun stuff written there. A few things I need to set you straight on, however. Yes, you ARE of Swedish descent. It was your great-grandfather who left the ship and made his way to Wisconsin. Perhaps he was Norwegian, but aren’t they the same?
    As far as the hug thing, I beg to differ. You were held A LOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! when you were a baby! You didn’t hug then, either, although I kept waiting for some sign that you liked me. I think you were a leaner, though–which is of no use to you now. Practice the hug.
    Last, did everybody else get the full video of Rex in the bouncer and mine was only 8 seconds? That is cruel. Say it isn’t so.
    Also, since you are going to have so much time on your hands while you are in labor, I propose that you start a blog when you get to the hospital, and document what’s happening with your labor every 5 minutes or so. At least it will give you something to do….oxoxoxoxo

  • 2. Debbie Simms aka Running Lizard  |  September 17, 2014 at 8:33 am

    Wishing you and Dane all the best on this newest ‘invader’ into your world. Please keep us updated and let us know how everythig went! Much xxoo to you and family!!!!

  • 3. Patty  |  September 17, 2014 at 2:37 pm

    Angela, As always, your blogs are clever, fun, entertaining, informative and always a huge treat to read. Thank you for creating one at this important “juncture” in your life story. What a girl, taking time to reflect and create one now. We are cheering you on, here, and by next week at this time, this hurdle will all be a somewhat fading memory. Little solace right now, but we all know that time really does fly – somehow, someway – Good idea, Donna, trying to think of a blog while going through labor. Can anyone do that? If so, Angela probably can..
    Donna, the video is short. So I think you saw what we all saw. You know, the Baby Einstein Videos have been called “baby crack” – – and I believe the bouncer is also a Baby Einstein creation. Who knew that a bouncer would also have addictive qualities?! So sorry. The intentions were good when it was purchased.
    What a guy Rex is, making way for the baby by moving into the “big boy bed”. I think he, like you, is an intuitive little guy.

    This next chapter will be filled with adventure. ‘Can’t wait to meet “little brother”, and to officially “crown” Rex, “big brother”!

    Love you all,

  • 4. donna  |  September 17, 2014 at 3:55 pm

    Now I get it. It is a video that really IS 8 seconds long! Apparently, Angela says he can bounce for 20 minutes, but when he sees a camera pointing at him he has to stop and “smile”–his version! Wherever he got the idea that you open your mouth like that when you smile, I think it’s hilarious.

    • 5. Patty  |  September 18, 2014 at 4:46 pm

      Donna – – Hi! How are you doing?


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